The concept of having boundaries is often misunderstood as a lot of people mistaken it for selfishness. But setting healthy boundaries is a form of self-care and self-preservation. For instance, you do not build a house without doors. You install doors and even an alarm system in order to protect yourself, your space, the valuable items you have and your privacy as you live in the house.

You also do not give just anyone access to your home. They must have earned your trust and they must mean something to you in order for them to be welcome into your home. You also have rules or a modus operandi which people that come into your home have to follow (e.g., no shoes in the home). That being said, boundaries are supposed to keep people in, not out.

We live in a ‘dog eat dog’ world where people prey upon others. The takers do not know when to stop and will squeeze and wring out everything you have leaving you dry if you let them.

That is why setting healthy boundaries is not just important, but crucial to maintaining peace and stability, being the best version of yourself and having great relationships.

In order to set healthy boundaries, you have to first understand who you are and the values you uphold so that you can know how best to preserve yourself. One of the fundamental needs of humans is respect and when people honour our boundaries, it makes us feel loved and seen.

You teach others how to treat you by what you continually tolerate or don’t. If you keep allowing people to walk over you, they’ll keep seeing you as a doormat that they can use anyhow.

There are certain spaces you shouldn’t be in or scenarios that shouldn’t have occurred if you had set healthy boundaries and been firm about them. So, you have to set your face like a flint when it comes to your boundaries.

Also, don’t be naïve. You have to protect your boundaries because people will test you. They will want to see how far they can go and what they can get away with. So, be on the alert and stand your ground.

People who genuinely love you will not intentionally cross your boundaries and hurt you. These are the ones who deserve access to your heart and space because you know that they have only your best interests in mind.

You might think that you’re being nice by not setting firm boundaries, but if you keep letting everyone dump their baggage on you, in due time, you’ll burn out and become resentful which is not a good place to be. It is okay to say no to certain things and people and that don’t make you a bad person.

On the contrary, it is when you take care of yourself and take the time to pour into yourself that you’re better equipped to help others.

Putting boundaries in place is how you empower yourself and teach others to treat you. The people who don’t respect your boundaries are not your people and when you know this, your life will become much easier.

The human mind has always been fascinating to me. The way it works and how it processes things or events is yet to be fully understood.

The most outstanding thing is how no two minds are precisely the same. While there are similarities, there are also stark differences.

Growing up, I used to think that the mind was situated in the chest region, possibly close to the heart, because of the immense power I had come to know that the mind possessed. But as I became more mature, I learnt that it is situated in the brain.

As unique as every human mind is, so is every woman; different in body size, skin tone, exposure, capabilities, intellect and interests, yet still amazingly incredible. The strength a woman possesses cannot be adequately quantified with the use of words. It is best observed, absorbed and taken in. It can be likened to a magnificent work of art that always leaves you in awe.

Is it the way she brings life into the world? Just the other day, we were told about one of our workers who fainted as she witnessed the vaginal delivery of a woman in the labor ward for the first time. Whether vaginal delivery or via caesarean section, it takes great strength to go through childbirth.

Or is it her multitasking ability? She can be a career woman, an entrepreneur, a home keeper, a great mother and a dutiful wife all at the same time. Little wonder, she accomplishes whatever she sets her mind on.

She is soft and delicate but this should not be viewed as a weakness. It just means she has this strength that shouldn’t be underestimated. It might take some time to get through the rock, but like water, she always finds her way. She is exceptionally determined about everything and this sustains her. Even when she tires, she finds the means to be refreshed and gets back up.

Another great power of a woman is her intuition. She often always knows when something will be right or wrong. The world doesn’t always play fair to her and this might be why she was blessed with this incredible intuitive power. Could this be an evolutionary survival instinct? A woman who does not ignore her intuition is wise. It prevents her from being easily manipulated and it often keeps her from harm.

A woman is elastic. There is no telling what she can endure and what she cannot. She can move to the ends of the earth if she has to. She is adaptable, creative and ingenious. But like every elastic, she has an elastic limit and a breaking point and you do not want to be on the wrong side of her fury. If you have doubts, watching Tyler Perry’s “Diary of A Mad Black Woman” should be proof enough.

A woman’s strength isn’t something to be feared, but to be encouraged. Over time, she has been put down and relegated to the bottom but times are changing.

Everyone is coming to the realization that the woman is a valuable asset to society. She has more opportunities for growth and development. Unlike in the past, she is more visible and her voice is now louder. She knows her rights and demands to be treated fairly.

The strength of every woman is as unique as every mind. It is non-exhaustive and this piece cannot fully capture all it encompasses. But one thing that remains common to every woman is that her strength lies in fully embracing her femininity, recognizing its purpose and being that which she has been called to be.

This calling is different for every woman but there’s no limit to what she can attain once she has found her path. The woman is on a journey, and this strength that she has been blessed with will always enable her to thrive.

The word ‘love’ has been misconstrued to the point where it is increasingly difficult to discern genuine intentions. Many people have distorted notions of love, and they often impose their views on others. However, here are four things that love is not:

1. Love is not tyranny.

Love does not delight in evil. It doesn’t intentionally inflict pain or find pleasure in causing suffering to its object of affection. Love is not a cruel taskmaster or a dictator. Instead, it embodies kindness and patience. It brings out the best in you, rather than diminishing your true self. Love doesn’t treat you as subordinate or inferior. It doesn’t bully you into conformity or punish you for holding different perspectives.

2. Love is not manipulation.

Love is not selfish; it does not insist on its own way but always upholds what is right. It is straightforward and honest, not confusing or indecisive. With love, you don’t need to question where you stand; it consistently reassures you. Love is not coercion; it doesn’t force you to compromise your morals or core values to prove your worthiness. It never belittles, objectifies, or threatens you to gain control. Love is trustworthy, devoid of deception or mind games.

3. Love is not settling.

Love doesn’t require you to compromise your core values or self-respect to be with someone. It goes beyond mere appearances; it prioritises you and meets your essential relationship needs. Love empowers you to know your worth and stand firm in your principles. You don’t have to settle for less, as love treats you with utmost care and respect. It allows you to flourish and become the best version of yourself, never dimming your light due to another’s insecurities.

4. Love is not a weakness.

Loving requires immense strength. It adds flavour to life and makes it worth living. A heart that experiences love is resilient. To both love and be loved is one of life’s greatest joys. It takes courage to be vulnerable, opening yourself to another’s gaze and acceptance. Love demands endurance, accepting the other person wholly and committing to them through thick and thin.

In conclusion, faith, hope, and love are powerful virtues, and love, in particular, holds a supreme place. By understanding what love is not, we can recognize authentic love and foster meaningful connections in our lives.

I have witnessed this countless times when parents bring their male children to get a shot, and they start scolding the boy if he becomes jittery or cries. I hear them say things like “Aren’t you a man?” or “You’re supposed to be a soldier,” and it breaks my heart to witness these scenarios and hear these words. 

We are grooming boys to not feel pain or to repress their pain. Instead of focusing on the child’s pain, we shift our attention to our expectations of him. So, it’s acceptable for baby girls to cry when they are in pain, but it’s not acceptable for boys? When will we realize that pain has no gender?

Pain is pain. It is not selective or biassed. Everyone has a different pain threshold, but that doesn’t mean we don’t all feel it. We can all go through the same experience, and our reactions will vary. 

This should discourage comparison. Saying things like “Your sister didn’t cry when she got her shot, why should you?” or “You’re such a girlie” while referring to a boy child is inappropriate in my opinion. Some girls can endure more pain than some boys, and that doesn’t make one superior to the other. Emotions such as joy, anger, and anguish are expressed differently by different individuals, influenced by various factors.

I understand that no one wants a weak child, but I dare say that children observe and absorb. How do you teach your boy to be strong if you are a coward yourself? Sometimes, we shame these kids because they remind us of ourselves and our own shortcomings. Why should they pay the price for another person’s sins?

For some of us, it’s just generational trauma being passed down through the generations. We don’t know better because we haven’t taken the time to unlearn certain things and heal from our past hurts.

Perhaps, if little boys are not humiliated, we wouldn’t have so many insecure men in society today. If boys were allowed to express themselves and taught how to regulate their emotions, maybe we wouldn’t have grown men trapped in adult bodies seeking any means of release or escape they can find. Perhaps we wouldn’t have abusive or emotionally unavailable men. If boys are not taught, how can men learn?

We wonder why many men struggle with self-esteem and self-security. It’s because as boys, they were taught to hide their pain and conceal parts of themselves that weren’t ‘acceptable’ to culture. Only when they grow up do they try to discover who they truly are.

Boys should be taught that pain and anger are not inherently bad. It is the way we choose to express these emotions that determines whether they are positive or negative. They should see us embody the qualities that make a person credible, such as character, chivalry, passion, wisdom, empathy, integrity, diligence, discipline, and emotional intelligence, among others, so that they can learn from these examples. They should be taught that their pain is valid, but it should be expressed in a healthy manner.

Above all, this tradition of shaming boys for crying or expressing their pain, especially when it is valid, must stop. It won’t end in a day, but together, one day at a time, we can achieve it. You can contribute to the wholesome development of the boy child by playing your role, providing support, and lending your voice to this cause: that pain has no gender.

A father is a child’s first superhero and a formal role model and mentor. Having a strong father-son bond is crucial for the proper development of boys. Therefore, the presence and role of a father in his child’s life as he grows cannot be overstated. 

Boys often look up to their fathers, imitating them, especially when they are young, until they can determine their own path in life. It goes without saying that the absence of a father can have a detrimental impact on a boy’s development.

A good father is actively present in his son’s life, both physically and emotionally. He ensures his child’s security, instilling confidence, intelligence, and strength to face life’s responsibilities. It is his duty to impart the right virtues and raise his son to be an asset to society, not a liability. 

He must show him how to embrace his masculinity fully and teach him the true meaning of being a man by setting the right example. And all of this begins with him showing up.

By being fully present in your child’s life, you teach him the most important lessons. Through your actions, you demonstrate that he is a priority and loved unconditionally, preventing him from seeking love in the wrong places. You cultivate healthy habits and equip him to navigate life’s challenges.

However, when fathers are absent from their sons’ lives, it creates a void. It undermines their sense of worth and deprives them of the guidance they need during a crucial stage of their growth. They may become disinterested in schoolwork or extracurricular activities, leading to poor performance or mental setbacks. 

They may also struggle socially due to feelings of being unloved, becoming withdrawn and finding it difficult to express themselves.

The absence of a father also makes a child more susceptible to negative influences. They may act out or get into trouble regularly, seeking attention. They become easy targets for bullying as they are often fearful and intimidated. 

Feeling unaccepted, they may develop abandonment issues, carrying emotional wounds that impact them into adulthood if not addressed and healed. Their relationship with the opposite gender may also be affected, leading to self-sabotage or toxic behaviors. 

They might exhibit emotional immaturity and a lack of respect towards women. Handling the challenges and difficulties of adulthood becomes more challenging for them.

A child should not be left without proper guidance from a father or father figure. A mother’s role in a child’s development is distinct from that of a father. It is high time fathers actively participate in parenting their sons and play an active role in their lives. 

For boys who have lost their fathers, it is important to provide adequate male mentors. A society with more decent and healthier men becomes safer. The rise in the number of narcissists is alarming, and we desperately need more gentlemen.

In Africa, it is generally expected that girls should know how to cook, and I understand that this expectation originated from pre-modern times when men went to farm or hunt while women took care of preparing food at home for their return after a hectic day. Women were also responsible for keeping the house clean and taking care of the children. There was a clear division of labour and everyone understood their roles. The home was adequately provided for, and the parties involved were content until gender roles started shifting gradually.

As women began receiving formal education and some became the sole breadwinners of their households, the notion arose that boys and men should also be able to cook or help out in the kitchen if girls and women are now supporting or providing for the home.

Growing up in a typical Nigerian home, more emphasis was placed on girls being able to cook, as not being able to do so was considered a failure on the part of the mother. In this context, boys often grew up without the necessity to cook, except when their mother insisted that all her children should possess cooking skills or if the boy himself had an interest in cooking. Boys would instead engage in other household chores, while girls were primarily responsible for the kitchen. However, times have changed, and it begs the question: are there benefits to boys being able to cook?

In my opinion, being able to cook is a valuable survival skill regardless of gender. Hunger does not discriminate, so why should there be discrimination regarding who satisfies that hunger? Why should such a crucial necessity as preparing one’s own meals be solely placed in the hands of another person?

Being able to cook is empowering. It is a life skill that everyone should possess, and it is easier to learn when you start early. It promotes independence, freeing you from having to tolerate subpar meals just because someone else is providing them.

Moreover, cooking saves you a lot of money. Preparing your own food will never be as expensive as eating out, ordering in, or relying on outsourcing. Of course, if you are extremely busy and lack the time to cook, it may be different, but being able to quickly fix yourself a meal, no matter how simple, is always advantageous.

Being able to cook also allows you to maintain a healthier lifestyle. Homemade meals are often underrated. It is easier to stick to a routine when you are the one preparing the food. You have control over what ingredients are included, ensuring that your dietary needs and preferences are met.

You won’t have to worry about whether the items on your eating plan are available at a restaurant because you can plan your meals in advance and have everything you need on hand. Additionally, you can experiment with new recipes and switch things up from time to time.

Furthermore, cooking enables you to reduce the risk of foodborne illnesses to the best of your ability. Since you are in charge of preparing your meals, you can ensure that proper hygiene practices are followed. This can save you from frequent visits to the hospital or healthcare provider. Remember, you are what you eat.

Lastly, knowing how to cook as a man can make you a more romantic and supportive partner. Many women appreciate a man who can cook. Imagine preparing meals for your wife during the days following childbirth, alleviating some of her stress. Additionally, cooking for someone you love and seeing them savour the food is incredibly fulfilling.

Considering all the points mentioned above, there are numerous benefits to teaching boys how to cook as they grow into men. It makes it easier for them to take care of themselves. Cooking is a valuable life skill that can be learned at any time, so men can and should embrace it.

Taking a cooking class with your partner can even serve as a great date idea, allowing you to bond and share an experience. Some may argue that cooking is time-consuming, but so is watching a movie. If you can spend hours watching a movie for entertainment, you can surely allocate time to cook for your nourishment.

Mothers should encourage boys to be in the kitchen while they cook, allowing them to develop cooking skills from an early age. Fathers should also participate in cooking or at least help out, setting a positive example for their sons to follow.

I like to imagine things and paint scenarios in my head a lot. It can be overwhelming sometimes, but for the sake of this piece, I would implore you to indulge me. I just want to show you how the awareness of death can transform our lives and help us live more purposefully.

Imagine if you were diagnosed with a terminal illness (God forbid! It’s not your portion, and I don’t wish that on anyone), but just picture it for a moment. If you were given a specified number of years to live, let’s say five years give or take, would it change the way you live your life? Well, at first, you might feel depressed and unhappy, but after a while, you would accept your fate. When you finally come to terms with reality, wouldn’t you want the little time you have left to count for much? I bet many of us would make the most of those years. 

We wouldn’t leave anything to chance anymore. We would start by taking care of our health, both physical and mental. We would prioritise our loved ones, our jobs, and the pursuit of our life’s goals and dreams. Nothing would be taken for granted. 

Some of us might even quit our jobs because we’ve never derived satisfaction from them and instead launch our own startups where our true passions lie. Others would adopt healthier diets and incorporate exercise into their routines, all in an effort to extend their time on Earth. We would cherish every moment spent with our loved ones and create more meaningful memories. 

We would treat each moment with them as if it were our last. We would strive to be more honest, intentional with our time and energy, kinder, more compassionate, more loving, and more accommodating. We would visit places we’ve always wanted to go and try out new things. We would remove all the limitations we’ve imposed on ourselves, wouldn’t we? We would simply live.

Now, what if I told you that you already have a terminal illness? I don’t mean leukaemia or cystic fibrosis, but the truth is, we’re all running out of time. We all have a limited lifespan, and one day, we will expire. 

Therefore, you must protect the integrity of the life you have now. It’s bad enough that you don’t know how much time you have left on this side of life. Hence, you can’t just leave your life to chance. 

Having a casual knowledge of the inevitability of death is one thing, but living with the awareness of it is another thing entirely. You don’t get to choose the hand life deals you, but that’s okay. There’s no need to sit around complaining and grumbling about how your life is or how you wish it were. You have to play the hand you’ve been dealt. 

The life you desire won’t just automatically fall into your lap; you have to create it.

It’s time to embrace your purpose and manifest your full potential. Live with such integrity that you can die well. Death shouldn’t scare us if we live intentionally. 

Instead, the awareness of it should motivate us to make the most of the time we have before it’s over. Mediocrity has never benefited anyone greatly. Find a balance. Dance to the rhythm of your destiny. 

Let this understanding fill you up and flow through you until you transform into a better person because of it. Don’t be a spectator in your own life. Be proactive and play an active role in the script you’re writing. 

So that when your time on Earth is done, you can peacefully leave with the assurance that you gave it your best shot. It’s not the fear of death that gives meaning to our lives; it it is the purposeful way we lived it, embracing the gift of existence until the very end.

The praise of a father often goes unsung, and the sacrifices he makes for his family might go unnoticed. Fathers are not appreciated enough, as we tend to expect that fulfilling their obligations is all they do. 

However, there is more to their role than meets the eye. They face struggles, yet they rarely share them, fearing they might be perceived as weak. As we grow older, we begin to understand these complexities. 

Nevertheless, like everyone else, fathers deserve recognition, and that is why the commemoration of Father’s Day holds such great significance.

Many men are adept at hiding their pain, tears, and hardships. They have been conditioned to be strong throughout their lives, leaving them unsure of how to express vulnerability or ask for help. 

While they possess emotions, only a few have a safe space to express them. It often feels as though their worth is predominantly tied to their ability to provide for their families, and a father who falls short in this aspect is sometimes undervalued.

Father’s Day offers an opportunity for fathers to be seen, acknowledged, and celebrated. One day is not enough to fully appreciate the countless sacrifices a good father makes throughout his lifetime. 

However, it serves as a memorial that we will continue to cherish. If it takes this special day and numerous ordinary ones to remind our fathers how much we love and cherish them, then let us embrace it.

The term “father” extends beyond the biological progenitor. It encompasses the male figures in our lives who provide, protect, lead, correct, guide, and encourage us as we navigate our paths. 

A father is our first superhero, the person we can always rely on no matter what. It is not merely a title. The one who bears the name “Father” is the role model we look up to, shaping our perspectives and influencing our relationships with others.

For some of us, our fathers are connected by blood, while others have found father figures through bonds. Some are even fortunate enough to have both blood and bonded fathers. On this day, we remember our heroes and choose to honour them for their labour of love. 

They have held our hands and guided us into the light. They have crawled and walked so that we could run and fly. They have selflessly given themselves so that we may have the best chance at life.

When someone is doing well, they should be appreciated for it. Instead of focusing on our fathers’ shortcomings, let us highlight their strengths and let them know that we do not take any of their efforts for granted. 

Regardless of the time we have spent or will spend with our fathers, may we always cherish them and remember that true improvement comes from appreciation and inspiration, not constant criticism. 

Let this day serve as a reminder to sing the praises of our fathers as loudly and for as long as we can. And, most importantly, may the legacy of our fathers’ songs continue to live on through us.

As Father’s Day approaches, it’s important to acknowledge that many men are accustomed to prioritizing the needs of others over their own. So, what better way to show them that their needs matter than by curating creative gifts and celebrating them in unique ways? Here are some fun and distinctive ideas to honour our fathers:

1. Prepare his favourite meal:

Most men have a meal that they absolutely love. Celebrate your father by preparing his favourite dish, making him feel special and appreciated. You can also try a new recipe that he’s never experienced before, but be cautious not to overdo it and risk ruining the dish.

2. Make it a Spa/Self-care Day:

Help your father relax by booking a spa session or creating a self-care routine at home. Treat him to a much-needed pedicure, massage, or other soothing activities. Utilise scented candles, aromatic oils, and soulful music to enhance the ambiance and melt away the stress he’s accumulated. 

3. Engage in his favourite activity:

Make Father’s Day memorable by spending the day doing something he loves. This shows that you recognize his interests and genuinely care about what brings him joy. Whether it’s an outdoor adventure, a sports activity, an artistic pursuit, or simply taking a walk together, cherish the moment and create lasting memories.

4. Organise a family night celebration:

Invite family members, close friends, or neighbours to a festive gathering, filled with enjoyable activities such as games, cooking, singing, dancing, and heartfelt conversations. Consider having family members take turns imitating or mimicking their dads, fostering laughter and strengthening family bonds. These shared memories will be cherished and may even become a beloved family tradition.

5. Create a DIY gift or card:

Curate a thoughtful gift or handcraft a personalised Father’s Day card. Consider something he has always wanted, a gift that symbolises his importance to you, or a reminder of a significant moment you shared together. Write a meaningful, heartfelt note expressing who he is to you, how he makes you feel, and the depth of your love. Don’t shy away from being vulnerable and genuine. Alternatively, you could create a photo album capturing special “father moments” or craft a scrapbook or artwork. These heartfelt gestures will be cherished by him forever.

Remember, whether you’re celebrating him as the father of your children or your own father, the most crucial aspect is to show him love, respect, and spend quality time together. Father’s Day is a day to prioritize his happiness and make him feel special. Celebrate fatherhood by creating lasting memories and showing appreciation for his love and support.

Have you ever witnessed a lady getting engaged to the love of her life? The joy on her face as she looks on with giddy excitement at her lover as she nods her yes to him. Her happiness is so palpable that you can feel it. 

Someone I know said she couldn’t sleep on the night of her engagement. Why? She was gobsmacked that sleep eluded her. It was not that she had already gotten married, but the ring was the assurance of the promise that she was going to spend the rest of her life with her lover and that all the years she had invested in the relationship were not a waste of time. It was all worth it in the end.

If you are a believer in Christ, then it is safe to say that you are like the lady that is engaged to her lover.  When we believed in Jesus Christ, we became engaged to him and we eagerly await his return. 

Then, we will have the marriage feast of the Lamb where we will feast at his table and behold him face to face. We will finally be joined to Him as one – Christ and His bride (the Church).

 Just like long-distance relationship lovers always anticipate the time they will be reunited with each other, we look forward to the day Christ will return. Even when we die or lose our loved ones, we have this hope that life on earth is not all that there is. We have the promise of eternal life and that is our assurance.

Jesus Christ didn’t just leave us with a promise, he put a ring on it by sealing the promise of his return with the Holy Spirit. Do you remember how elated you felt as you surrendered your life to him and received the Holy Spirit? Do you recollect the calm you had as his presence filled you up? 

He did this so that we can have peace in this lifetime and hope in the life to come. For “if our hope in Christ is for this life alone, we are to be pitied more than all men” (1 Cor 15: 19). 

Therefore, we have the guarantee of immortality, and not only that, we are victorious over death because for us death is not doom. Rather, it is a transition to a glorious life.

If you could do anything to be immortal, wouldn’t you do it? This promise of eternal life is not a sham. Jesus will never break your heart or make you date him for donkey years only to go and marry another person. 

He keeps His word and all you have to do to have this life is to believe in Him and surrender the entirety of your life to His lordship. What a way to insure your today and your future. The life He has in store for you in eternity is one with no sorrow, pain, sickness or death. 

It is one of beauty, peace, enjoyment and unending joy – the real soft life. You will never have to be separated from your loved ones or your lover ever again.

If you have known him, then you’re most fortunate and if you’re yet to know him, what are you waiting for? What shall it profit you if you gain the whole world and lose your soul? In this life that is full of uncertainties, Jesus remains the only constant. 

He is what everyone needs and His arms are always wide open to everyone who wishes to come to Him. If you do life with him, you have nothing to lose. Today, he knocks at the door of your heart. Won’t you open up and invite him in?