Love Bombing: Love or Abuse?

Blessing Orogun February 18, 2023 0

You ever meet a person and y’all just connect? They are so attentive to you and care so much for you, maybe, in a way, nobody else has or so it seems.

They might shower you with gifts, order lunch to be delivered to you at school or work on a regular, take you out on expensive dates, and do anything to get you to date them.

They seem to always want to talk to you and be in your presence. They shower with all manner of flattery until you are way over your head; throwing caution to the air. You can’t believe your luck. Like how did you land this ‘jackpot’? They are just perfect and too good to be true. You can’t even imagine life without them again.

All these happen in such a short period, say two weeks, but who’s counting days when they’re having the best time of their life? You’re so high on the dopamine release; you don’t want the euphoria to end.

Then you finally decide to date them because you’re so in love with them. You might even get married to them in like say three months from when you first met them because no one gets you like they do, right? And what’s the point of waiting anyway, when you can have all this happiness for a lifetime?

But as soon as they feel like they’ve got you hooked and wrapped around their fingers, there’s a change in the dynamics of the relationship. They’re no longer the kind and nice person you thought they were. They’re irritated by every single thing you do.

The abuse begins and you start to wonder where the person that made you feel like you were the best thing since sliced bread varnished to? The confusion sets in. You begin to walk on eggshells around them. You would do anything to please them just to get back the person you fell in love with back.

You used to think spending all your time with them was such a cute thing but now, you feel suffocated because they wouldn’t let you breathe or go out with your friends or just do something for yourself. It feels like they now own you and the cycle goes on and on until you dare to break out of it or you get ditched. The realization that they weren’t who they said they were sets in (painfully so).

Guess what? You were love-bombed. They didn’t love you; never did. They targeted you and then mirrored you; your likes, and your idea of an ideal partner. They needed you; so they pretended to be everything you needed so that they could get you to trust them.

And guess what? When you trust people, you let your guard down around them which is exactly what they’re counting on and the dopamine high doesn’t help matters as well. When they feel like they have you exactly where they need you to be, the real person behind the mask shows up. Remember, a ticking time bomb always explodes. It’s just a matter of time. Love bombing is the first stage in the abuse cycle.

So when next you feel pressured to commit to someone, especially in a short period, take some moment to ask yourself, “What is this person hiding”? or ” What is this person up to?” Ask yourself how you feel after you spend time with them and be brutally honest.

Don’t get it twisted; love is a beautiful thing. It’s just that those who haven’t fully grasped what it entails to truly love another human being have turned it into a game of manipulation and would come into your life like a ‘bomb’.

Eventually, they’ll blow up in your face and it won’t be a pretty sight. The best thing is to recognize these red flags on time and decide your next move. Remember, it is only your intentions you know; you don’t always know that of others.

However, either good or bad, people will always tell on themselves. Be attentive. When something feels too good to be true, most times, it is.